The Blonde Life. {It gets messy…}

It gets a little messy from here on out… I’d grab that glass of wine. Lord knows I am. Did you read the beginning of L and I??? If not… go here first.

I had gone away on a little vacation shortly after everything happened. It was a needed vacation. Very needed. While I was away L and I talked a couple of times he was telling me how he was trying to work through everything and didn’t want me to forget about him… we’d be ok.

I wanted us to be ok.

Looking back, I should have shut the book then… 

I returned from my trip ready for whatever was going to happen. I had had the chance to clear my head and felt stronger. L and I were meeting for pizza and beer, at our favorite spot to talk through things. I couldn’t wait. It had been a couple weeks since I had seen him and I missed him. {This was very unusual behavior for me… I’m not typically the fall hard and fast kind of girl.}

We talked and decided we would work on things together. A few days later I received a text message from a good friend of his. It read “Be careful with L. He isn’t what he seems… he may have shit to deal with. But he’s also being very shady to you. {i.e. he was cheating}” I was dumbfounded. Wasn’t expecting this, at all. And honestly, I didn’t know if I believed it. Well, I didn’t want to.

If I’m dating someone, actually care about a guy to the point of calling him my boyfriend… I trust him. I have chosen to place my trust in him… not his friends. So until he has proven me wrong… I choose to believe him. Foolish? Maybe. But sometimes that’s the only way to not get lost in the drama.

Of course, I asked him about it though. I didn’t accuse him. I just asked. He very casually denied it, said she was jealous {age old excuse, right?} and brushed it aside. We moved beyond that moment. But it always lingered in the back of my mind. But I cared about him, so I wanted desperately to believe that he was telling the truth.

The following week I was off of work, I ended up spending most of my week with him. Late nights out, sleeping in, being lazy, enjoying each other’s company…

But… the pieces of this puzzle that you don’t know yet… I was giving up my world… for his. I was never the party every night girl. Yea, I like to drink, I like to have a good time… but not until the sun rose. Not every night. Not wasting away the days sleeping. It was a lifestyle I wasn’t accustomed too – but I was slipping down this slope, quickly. I felt it happening, but in the moment, at those times… it felt right. I was hanging out with people I typically wouldn’t have. But I was blinded by my feelings for him. Absolutely, 100% blinded. 

At the end of this week he had received a phone call from a potential employer. Offering him a job. This should have been great news, right? Not so much… this job was in Texas. And if he were to accept it he’d need to leave within the next couple of days. Wait, what?! We had finally gotten things put back together… now to be ripped apart, again? The elements were not in our favor…

I should have paid attention to those signs. 

I remember telling him that we would make it work no matter what he decided to do… and he wanted that too. But Texas was a really good opportunity for him so in the end, he decided to take it. I was upset, of course. I didn’t want him to leave me… not when we were okay again. But he did…

And I didn’t hear from him for days.

Once I finally got a hold of him, he claimed he was getting settled in and was too busy to talk. {Too busy to simply text your girlfriend back saying that you made it across the country??? Rightttt. I see...} I was pissed angry now. The little pieces of things I kept hearing were adding up, they were consuming me… and as the icing on the cake – a mutual friend of ours told me that the same girl he had been accused of cheating on me with, went with him to TX to help him unpack?! How does that even happen??

Being in a relationship where it’s an endless cycle of emotion – of questioning every moment – of lies and betrayal… it’s exhausting. I was exhausted. But I had also fallen in love in that short time. There was something about L that I just couldn’t shake. I wanted to believe that in the end, we’d work through things… usually, I have a low bullshit meter. I think throughout this relationship – someone must of secretly stolen my bullshit meter and was having a jolly good time watching me struggle through this. 

And this is only the beginning of the longest end of my life

My love affair with whiskey began during this relationship… if you haven’t figured out why, yet. You will soon.

Happy Friday, sweet peas. I hope you have a fantastic Labor Day weekend!

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