chapter 4 — dear diary.

dear diary.

This is taken directly out of my journal so many years ago…

April 9 @ 1am.

Oh the drama. E and I are completely finished – well finished for E an I; which means he’s miserable and I fuel that fire because I know exactly how to. He’s decided to go back to C despite everything – and I told him – either way you’re going to sacrifice something. If you go back to her, I’m gone because I’m just not playing this game anymore. So that’s what he did. And now he’s living with this mistake he made. Saddest part of all – he knows he made a mistake. He’s tells me, ‘You’re such a huge part of me. I miss my best friend. Every time we say goodbye I lose a piece of me…’and I believe he’s that miserable – but he knows what has to do to fix this. I know I’m doing the right thing – as hard as it is. I’ve sucked it up and realized that if I put E on the back burner my life doesn’t have to revolve around him….

May 2 @ 2:06am

Oh how things have changed. The V (random boy I met) thing was very short lived. We’re back to E. He and I are actually officially dating. At first I was very apprehensive and scared and nervous and every other emotion possible towards it. It’s me and E. Together. Finally. It’s a VERY overwhelming situation. I had tried for over a year to show him he’d be happier here. I stuck by him through everything, including when I probably shouldn’t have – but I did. I care so incredibly much about him, it’s unreal. And I never really realized how much a part of me he is. Not until there comes a point where I should walk away. But after seeing everything and how he was with C – it does make me nervous, but gives me the upper hand because he can’t lie to me. And he tells me EVERYTHING. But right now I’m so happy. I mean I think I’m the happiest I’ve been in so long. It just feels right and real and natural. I feel like we’ve been together for a lot longer than we have. I hope and pray that this doesn’t get screwed up. I also think it’s a huge sign that we’re still here after so long. I just have so much going on inside my head right now about me and E. All I know is right now it feels right. Tonight the “My Immortal” song came on – for some reason it nearly brought me to tears – it reminds me of how much we really have been through and actually survived. I think as a couple, E and I are very strong. I can see us together for a while and this being even more serious than it already is…

This was a little intermission from the story {just to keep you waiting for next week}. Sometimes it’s even difficult for me to recall everything. I was talking with E the other day and he was reading my blog {yup, I showed him – I thought he’d enjoy a little walk down memory lane…and, he did.} he told me it was funny to read it because he had forgotten so much over the years…

You will hear a lot from my journal. It’s how I can accurately recall the stories…

What will happen from here? Come back to find out.

Happy friday, loves!

love always.


2 thoughts on “chapter 4 — dear diary.

  1. Pingback: The Blonde Life. {Once upon a time, at a hog roast…} | Messy Hair and Cowboy Boots

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